Building Emotional Intelligence
Introspection
We’ve gotten emotional intelligence wrong.
Like other forms of intelligence we have assumed it is something that takes effort and skill from the mind to acquire.
While that is partly true, what is missing is the natural, innate everyday experience of emotional intelligence building that happens within our bodies.
The outcome of true emotional intelligence is the ability to navigate the complex landscape of emotions with grace and awareness.
With a deep connection to your mind and body’s response to the experience causing you to feel this feeling.
On a dime. In the moment. With clarity.
To truly build emotional intelligence one must learn the skill of listening to the heart.
To recognize the subtle cues that signal a shift in mood and respond with empathy and compassion.
It’s not about tracking, it’s about knowing.
It’s about being present with your emotions and the emotions of others, without judgement or haste.
It’s the practice of mindfulness in its truest form. The art of holding space for yourself and those around you.
Holding space meaning; listening from the heart, in every action, as often as possible, without force.
Emotional growth comes when you acknowledge your feelings, name them, and understand their origins.
You become intelligent when you can hold your emotions gently and choose your response with intention.
Remember, building emotional intelligence is a lifelong process.
A continued practice of self-awareness and empathy.
Not something you can put on a resume or track with your Apple Watch.
Reflection
Pull out your journal, grab a coffee and let’s build some emotional intelligence.
Start by writing down an emotion you felt strongly this week, ie. Anger
Name it - Give this emotion a name, ie. Anger = Fuck Face.
Describe it - How does Fuck Face make you feel? How does your body react when you feel it? What thoughts are in your mind when you feel it?
Identify it - What triggered this emotion this week? Why do you think it triggered you? Where has Fuck Face appeared in similar situation? When do you think you first felt this emotion?
Reflect - For the next 30-40 minutes, reflect on this emotion, try to understand where it came from, explore your past and when you may have first felt this emotion; who was there? What did they teach you about this emotion? What did they teach you about this emotion? How did your beliefs about what this emotion was from from this experience? How are you continuing to reinforce that belief today?
Allow - The true mark of EQ is acceptance. How can you allow this emotion to just be, as it is, in this moment, without force?
Inspiration
“It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head—it is the unique intersection of both.”
Action
Stop dancing around your emotions - experience them. Fully.
Tattoo in your mind the word, ‘ALLOW’.
When you feel the emotion arise, allow it. Let it surface and experience it fully, express it safely and reflect on the evolution of your emotional intelligence through this process.